As promised last week, we’re going to talk about how to maintain our energy instead of absorbing and acting on other people’s emotions and energy. Boundaries are a big part of that.
Do you often feel guilty, resentful, or angry? If so, there could be boundary issues hidden underneath those emotions.
When we do too much for others and they don’t make the changes in their life that we think they should make, or do what we expect them to do, we can become angry and resentful. Then we make a snarky comment or send a text we wish we hadn’t and feel guilty. That often finds us doing something to make up for what we did or said. Sound like anyone you know? Have you been in that cycle with someone you care about in your life? I sure have, many times.
And here’s the real kicker, often the other person had no idea that I was spending so much time worrying about them and trying to fix their life. And for sure they didn’t ask me to.
What I’ve learned is that the reason I felt resentful is that I spent a lot of my time worrying about and thinking about how to fix other’s problems instead of giving that same attention to my own life’s challenges and dreams. I needed them to be better before I could be better. I felt guilty that they had things going on in their life that were worse than what was going on in my life, so how could I enjoy my life if they were having challenges. It was, and still is difficult for me to see other people struggle.
Here’s the truth, being sick with someone who’s sick doesn’t make them well. Being poor with someone because they’re poor doesn’t help them with their finances. Being depressed because someone is depressed won’t help them or you. Taking on other’s energy or emotions doesn’t help them or us.
When I realized that I was causing the resentment I was feeling, I learned to take my power back from the situation. That’s where the boundaries came in.
Boundaries are for us to keep from giving our energy to things and people that we don’t want to.
I had to set boundaries with myself so I could use my energy for my life instead of what I thought others needed. I had to learn to say no.
Presence and awareness have been key in my journey of making changes in my life. I’ve learned that when I start feeling annoyed with something or someone to give myself some space to pause. You have to be present to how you feel in your body to catch that annoyance before you get caught up in it and react.
Pausing and taking a breath gives us the space to choose differently, it disrupts the energy and creates room to remember what we want and how we want to show up. Yes, it takes practice, practice, and more practice.
Not to worry though, you’ll get plenty of opportunities to do just that. And the more you practice, the better you get and the more peace you feel.
Next week we’ll talk more about the challenges of learning to maintain our energy. We’re going to be focusing on trust.
Email me if you have any questions for me or challenges you would like to gain some clarity around. I’d love to hear from you!
When we change the world changes.
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