What Is Mine to Carry? The Freedom of Discernment

Over the past two weeks, we’ve been exploring what it means to become the observer.

Not someone who disconnects from life.

Not someone who stops caring.

But someone who remains fully present without losing herself.

We began with the first three steps of the O.B.S.E.R.V.E. Method:

Observe. Breathe. Sense.

These steps invite us to pause before reacting, creating space between what happens around us and how we choose to respond.

Today, we’ll continue with the next two steps:

E – Evaluate
R – Release

This is where awareness becomes wisdom.

The Moment That Changes Everything

There is a question that has transformed the way I move through relationships, challenges, and even heartbreak:

What belongs to me… and what belongs to someone else?

For years, I didn’t know there was a difference.

If someone I loved was hurting, I hurt.

If they were anxious, I became anxious.

If they were struggling, I felt responsible for helping them find their way.

I wasn’t just witnessing their experience.

I was carrying it.

Many of us have spent a lifetime confusing compassion with responsibility.

But they are not the same.

Compassion allows us to walk beside someone.

Responsibility convinces us we must carry them.

One is loving.

The other is exhausting.

E — Evaluate

Discernment begins with gentle curiosity.

Discernment is the loving practice of recognizing what is mine to carry and what is not.

Before reacting, ask yourself:

Is this mine to carry?

Am I responding from love… or from fear?

Am I trying to ease their discomfort… or my own?

Have I been asked to help, or have I assumed it’s my job?

These questions aren’t meant to create distance.

They’re meant to create clarity.

When we don’t pause to evaluate, we often react from old conditioning rather than present truth.

We slip into familiar roles:

The fixer.

The rescuer.

The peacemaker.

The one who holds everything together.

Not because we consciously choose those roles, but because they once helped us feel safe, needed, or worthy.

Discernment gently invites us to choose differently.

R — Release

This may be the most difficult step of all.

Release the need to control the outcome.

Release the belief that someone’s healing depends on you.

Release the guilt that whispers, “If you really loved them, you’d do more.”

Release the weight of carrying what was never yours.

Releasing isn’t giving up.

It’s trusting.

It’s recognizing that every soul has its own journey, its own lessons, and its own timing.

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is stand beside someone with an open heart instead of stepping in with busy hands.

I’ve learned that I can pray without trying to persuade.

I can support without rescuing.

I can love without abandoning myself.

That isn’t less love.

It’s healthier love.

Loving Without Losing Yourself

One of the greatest gifts you can offer another person is the dignity of walking their own path.

That doesn’t mean you stop caring.

It means you stop carrying what belongs to them.

You can offer your presence.

Your encouragement.

Your compassion.

Your prayers.

But you no longer believe it is your responsibility to live someone else’s journey for them.

That realization has brought a peace I didn’t know was possible.

Because every time I release what isn’t mine, I create space to care for what is.

My own heart.

My own energy.

My own healing.

Looking Ahead

Next week, we’ll complete the O.B.S.E.R.V.E. Method with the final two steps:

V – Value and E – Embody.

We’ll explore how to choose your response based on who you are becoming, not simply on what is happening around you.

Because ultimately, this journey isn’t about changing other people.

It’s about becoming more deeply yourself.

Practice the Pause

Think of one person or situation you’ve been carrying in your heart.

Close your eyes and place one hand over your heart.

Take a slow, gentle breath.

Now quietly ask yourself:

What belongs to me?

Pause.

Then ask:

What belongs to them?

Without judgment, notice what comes up.

If you recognize you’ve been carrying something that isn’t yours, imagine gently placing it into God’s hands—or, if that resonates more deeply for you, into the loving hands of the Universe.

Take one more slow breath.

Notice how your body feels.

Sometimes freedom doesn’t come from doing more.

Sometimes it comes from carrying less.

Sacred Reflection

Where have you confused love with responsibility?

How might your relationships change if you trusted that you can love someone deeply without carrying what was never yours?

Perhaps discernment isn’t about becoming less compassionate.

Perhaps it’s about allowing your compassion to include yourself.

May you remember that your greatest power isn’t found in changing what is happening around you. It is found in the loving presence you bring to what is happening within you.

This day is for the woman who has everything together on the outside and oftentimes feels quietly empty on the inside. Who has served, given, and risen above — and somewhere in all of that, lost herself in the process.

Remembering You is a sacred day retreat to help you find her again. Through story, art, movement, and the quiet power of being witnessed by other women — you will begin to return to what was never truly lost.

Only hidden.

This is a full day of immersive, experiential, heart-centered work — held in a small, intimate group of women. You will be held. You will be witnessed. You will be invited into the most important journey of your life — the one back to yourself.

Learn more and save your spot

When we change the world changes.