Guilt

What could I have done differently? Do you ever ask yourself that question? If I hadn’t done or said something or if I tried harder would things be different? How much is enough and who gets to decide?

As an empath I feel deeply and understand what others are going through and I want to make it better or ‘fix’ it. It’s been easy for me to jump into helping someone and ‘help’ too much. Maybe if I just did this one more thing and tried harder they would be better. Then when things don’t come out like I think they should I feel guilty. Anyone relate? Tell me I’m not alone here.

Getting wrapped up in feeling guilty doesn’t serve me or anyone else. It just keeps me in a cycle of not enough. I’ve struggled setting and maintaining boundaries around ‘helping’. Not having clear boundaries set me up for the perfect guilt storm. Many times resentment is quick to follow and then guilt for feeling resentful. That’s the cycle that I have lived in most of my life.

 I’m realizing that I’m not responsible for anyone else’s thoughts or actions, only my own. Most of the time I’m really good at observing a situation without jumping into it. Observing gives me the distance to have a different perspective. I can see that there are many possibilities when I observe. When I jump in I see only what I think someone else ‘should’ do. Should has become a trigger word for me. Any time I think I ‘should’ or someone or something ‘should’ I stop and remind myself that I’m judging from my own experiences and what I tell myself about them.

Maybe the hardest lesson for me has been admitting to myself that there have been times that I’ve needed someone else to be better so I could be better. Initially that also brought some guilt that I’ve worked through. When we know better we do better and there are many layers to that. I am in constant growth and expansion and there will always be things to look at and choose differently.

Today I lay guilt down gently with love and trust.

I know for sure that guilt does not serve my growth.

I know for sure there are lessons in guilt.

I know for sure I have a choice how long I stay in guilt.

I know for sure that I trust what needs to happen will happen for everyone’s highest and greatest good whether we understand what that is or not.

When we change the world changes.

When we change the world changes.