To remember who we are we need to forget who we thought we should be and who everyone else told us to be.
The deep pain I felt inside for most of my life felt normal. I learned to alleviate it briefly by buying something new, going on vacation, but mostly by offloading it onto someone else when it became too much to bear.
The longing I felt inside for most of my life led me to search for the next thing that would make me feel worthy. That led to people pleasing and a lack of boundaries. It led to looking for my value in what others thought of me. That longing led to me looking everywhere outside of myself for the validation I so desperately needed.
The emptiness I felt inside for most of my life could not be filled with things I acquired by working many hours. I kept myself so busy that I couldn’t possibly be unfulfilled. That kept me occupied until I became burned out and had to cut back.
There comes a time in your life when you can’t fool yourself anymore.
Sometimes it happens when you experience a divorce, death of a loved one, mid-life, or any other life changing event. Often when we’re forced to look at our life.
When I got to that time in my life, I didn’t know what to do next, which was new for me because I always knew what to do. I started to realize how much I didn’t know and how miserable I was.
Up until that time in my life I hadn’t let myself feel my discomfort. I covered it up with all the busy things so I wouldn’t feel it. This was unconscious on my part; I was in survival mode and just trying to make it through the day.
For most of my life, I would tell myself that I should be grateful for what I had and lots of people would love to have the life I had. I would guilt myself into thinking things weren’t so bad, and of course they could always be so much worse.
This is what I know for sure.
The deep pain I felt was from denying my Self. Every time I pleased someone else at my own expense, my soul cried out in pain, and I ignored it.
The longing I felt was a longing for Connection. I had lost my connection with myself, and I was looking for it outside of myself.
The emptiness I felt was because I was unable to express who I am. I wasn’t being my authentic self; I was not aligned with my Higher Self.
Get quiet and ask the question, “What is missing in my life?”
All the answers are inside.
Sit in the emotions, feel them deeply.
Then release them; they aren’t meant for us to keep.
Choose YOU. Unapologetically express your unique Divine Spark in the world!
When we change the world changes.
Want to receive a weekly dose of wisdom in your inbox?
Sign up for my Weekly Wisdom emails and I’ll send you journal prompts and affirmations each Sunday along with my latest blog post to help you start your week intentionally.