How are your boundaries?

I can say that I have not always been good at boundaries. Even though I’ve learned a lot, I still struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries at times.

Growing up I was tough; I have five brothers and grew up on a farm. Tough on the outside anyway. Many times, I would say or do something hurtful because I was afraid of being hurt. If I hurt someone first, they couldn’t hurt me.

At the time, I thought the ‘walls’ that I put up were boundaries.

The tough exterior was to mask my highly sensitivity inside. I wanted to be liked, I was a people pleaser. I didn’t feel safe expressing my feelings, so I put up a wall.

It makes sense now that because of the disconnection between my inner and outer world that it was impossible for me to set or maintain boundaries.

I also realized that the boundaries I did set were with the expectation that others would change their behaviors. I’m sure you don’t have to ask how that worked for me. When the behaviors didn’t change, which they never did, I made excuses for them and backed up or dropped my boundary all together. I gave my power away.

Boundaries are not set to keep people out. They are for us. They protect our energy so we can use it to create our lives. It’s difficult if not impossible to create our best life if we are constantly expecting others to change.

We have to set boundaries for ourselves, and we can’t be attached to the outcome. Read that again.

When we are attached to the outcome, we will back up our boundaries to get what we want, we will make excuses.

I’ve learned to create boundaries out of love for myself instead of from fear. I put my focus on my needs and detach from the fear of it not going the way I want. That’s where our power lies.

And remember, your boundary gives the other person a choice.

Also remember, we teach people how to treat us.

When we change the world changes.