Get curious about the things that trigger you

It’s so important to look at the things that trigger us. Getting curious about why something or someone bothers us can keep us out of judgment of the situation, the other person, or ourselves.

It’s not necessary to beat ourselves up for saying or doing something we regret, but we do want to clear it up, so it doesn’t keep happening.

We do want to investigate why we had the reaction we did. Many of our reactions come from a wound we buried deep a long time ago. It might be something that you told yourself was no big deal and you shouldn’t be upset, or maybe someone else told you that.

These hurts are in our subconscious, stored in our body, waiting to come up and be released.

Oftentimes what happens is that we offload that hurt onto someone else, then feel guilty and stuff that emotion back in our body instead of releasing it. When we get caught up in that cycle, it’s challenging to move forward. That’s why we must focus on our reaction instead of the outer experience.

When someone has hurt us, and we don’t address it, we internalize the hurt. Sometimes we can work through it ourselves or with the another’s help. Other times we play it over and over in our head, making it bigger and bigger. It can affect our lives in many ways from being angry, depressed, or sometimes self-harming behaviors.

If someone has hurt your feelings and you don’t think you can talk to them about it, try this: write them a letter telling them everything you want to say to them. Read the letter over a few times, feel all the emotions coming up. Notice how you feel. Do you feel the same way when you’re angry at the person who hurt you, telling others about them, wanting them to see the monster you do in them? Now, burn the letter and release what you can. You may need to repeat several times to move the emotion out of your body.

When we’re hurt, we hurt others. We want to get rid of the pain but offloading it onto others doesn’t help us feel better.

Every time we release a hurt, we feel better; lighter and more peaceful. Then we are less likely to think or act in a way that we regret later.

When we change the world changes.

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1 Comment

  1. Tammy Cantrell on May 15, 2023 at 4:34 pm

    Beautiful post, Judy! And I love that you listed an alternative means of working through emotions. Not everyone can be reasoned with, especially someone who gaslights. Whenever I get curious, I aim for the FIRST time I ever felt this emotion. It always leads back to childhood. Thanks to Denise Linn, I know how to go back and change that very situation, which in turn alters my present emotions.

    Thank you for sharing!