Forgiveness

Each week I sit at my table and write about what is on my heart. I’m not ever sure what will come up.  I’ve learned to trust that what I need to hear will emerge and may be a source of reflection for others.

Forgiveness can be complicated. How long do we wait to forgive? Do we need an apology to be able to forgive?  Holding on to something we’re angry, resentful or hurt about causes pain for us. The other person may not even know they did or said something to offend us or maybe they don’t care. If we forgive someone or something we’ve been hurt by does that mean it was ok and they were right? Do we forgive to allow someone to feel better for what they did?  

I’ve learned that forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves to take our power back from another person, situation, or even our own thoughts. We get to decide when the cost of holding on to something is too high. I used to think about situations I was angry about incessantly. I would make up all kinds of stories about how someone else was wrong and I was right. Giving my power away to my thoughts and situations in my life kept me in a cycle of ‘stuck in my need to be right’. This cycle kept me from being free to create more of what I wanted in my life and kept my focus on what I didn’t want. The burden of all those things, some very small and some big became too much and I decided to let go. Accepting that I couldn’t control anyone else’s words or actions changed my thoughts on forgiveness. I realized that how I processed it would either set me free or keep me in a cycle of judgement and pain.

I’ve definitely been more resistant to forgiving myself than others. I’m learning to forgive myself for not knowing what I didn’t know until I have lived through it. Anyone else think they ‘should’ know everything, ‘should’ be smarter than that, ‘should’ have known better? Forgiveness can quiet those self- sabotaging thoughts that keep us punishing ourselves. When we put the focus on us and take responsibility for our part and our feelings instead of blaming someone or something else forgiveness happens.

The really cool thing is that there is no time limit on forgiving. We can choose to forgive immediately or we can hold on for as long as we want. Forgiveness is most definitely a gift for ourselves and a choice of freedom. The question is ‘how long will you put your life on hold waiting for someone or something to change or apologize’?

• Forgiveness is a choice
• Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves
• Forgiveness is freedom
• Forgiveness is taking our power back

When we change the world changes.

When we change the world changes.