Are you an observer or an absorber?

Are you an observer or an absorber when it comes to other people’s energy?

Are you able to observe other’s emotions and let them have their space? Or do you take on the emotions of others, absorb them, and feel the emotion as if it was yours? Sometimes maybe even try to make everything better?

I was for sure an absorber. I went from one situation to another feeling as if they were all mine to take care of, physically and emotionally. It was exhausting to say the least. I became bitter and resentful for a few reasons.

 I didn’t have time or energy to do the things I wanted to do in my life.

Are you so busy with other people’s lives that you’re exhausted both physically and emotionally at the end of the day? We want to do things for others and that’s great. I’m talking about over involvement and doing things they could do for themselves. Oftentimes I would do this because it made me feel needed or worthy. And I wanted to be liked and be the ‘good girl’. Another piece of it for me was self-sabotage. If I was busy with someone else who needed my attention more than me, I didn’t have to look at the things in my life that I could change.

I didn’t think I could be happy or move forward in my life if someone I loved wasn’t happy.

The truth is that I couldn’t stand to see someone struggling. I could feel their uncomfortableness and it didn’t feel good to me. I needed them to be better so I could be better. This recovering people pleaser wanted others’ lives to go smoothly, even at the expense of my own discomfort. I didn’t realize this for many years. I blamed my struggle on them because they didn’t do what they needed to do to be better. Any of this sound familiar?

No one seemed to appreciate me sacrificing myself for them.

Another truth bomb I realized is that most of the time they didn’t even know I took on the role of taking on their energy or making them happy. And even bigger, they didn’t ask me to. I did it all on my own.

All these things were difficult for me to learn. It’s not always easy taking responsibility for your part in a situation. However, I can tell you it is freeing to know that I am responsible for my energy, only mine.

I get plenty opportunities to practice letting others have their emotions without stepping in and trying to make it better for them. That doesn’t mean we can’t empathize, listen, and guide them (only when asked). It just means I trust them to handle things in their own way. And the times that I can’t bring myself to trust them, I’ve learned to trust their Spirit to guide them through.

This is tough stuff, especially with those we love most. And we can’t help them by taking on their emotions and feeling the same way they do at the time. Getting into the desperation they’re feeling doesn’t help us or them.

We can help them more by showing them to be responsible for themselves by being responsible for ourselves.

We’ll be talking about ways to maintain our energy next week.

Our energy is for us to create the life we desire and deserve.

P.S. Boundaries are a big part of it. (Sigh) I spoke about boundaries at a hair conference last weekend. A participant came up to me after I spoke and told me that she saw me speak about boundaries last year and that’s why she came back this year. She told me her life changed when she took my advice and started setting healthy boundaries at home and in the salon. She hugged me and thanked me. She did the work, the hard work, and it is paying off.

When we change the world changes.