Wearing masks

Wearing masks is not a new thing for me. I’ve spent my life in ‘masks’ that changed often. Not everyone could see my ‘masks’. My eighth-grade teacher did. She asked me why I wore a ‘mask’. I made some sarcastic comment, another ‘mask’ I used often. All these years later and I can still hear her asking that question.

I remember as a little girl I wanted so badly to be loved and accepted. So much so that without realizing it I hid who I was behind masks of: I’m fine, being perfect, being a good girl, being liked, fitting in, putting everyone’s needs before my own, saying yes when I wanted to say no, saying no when I wanted to say yes, and above all – don’t be too smart or say what you really feel if it makes anyone else uncomfortable.

As an empath, I could always feel when anyone was uncomfortable. I had a need to make it better or fix it. I told myself it was for them, but it was really for me. I couldn’t be better until everyone else was. Opportunities great and small passed me by while I was deciding which mask to wear. If I said what I really thought, would they like me? It wasn’t worth the risk so the mask of “I agree with everything you’re saying” went on. I quickly dismissed the feeling I got in my gut that was reminding me I was denying myself and focused on fitting in. I was terrified that someone would discover the real me. The someone I was most afraid of was myself. How would I ever be accepted and loved if I didn’t fit into a neat, compliant, perfect box that I thought ‘they’ needed me to be? There it is: not what ‘they’ needed me to be but what I thought they needed me to be. It was never about ‘them’.

Mostly I’ve put down my big masks of judgment, anger, sarcasm (not everyone would agree), being a victim – and that feels great! I’m still working on some others and sharing my thoughts and experiences openly has me taking off my mask of fear of failure and criticism. Every time I take a mask off, even for a little while, it shows me I’m safe to share who I am. I give myself permission to be seen. We don’t need anyone else’s permission and we never did.

 When we put a mask on instead of expressing who we are we deny ourselves and others of our true essence. We deny ourselves the opportunity to grow and share. What masks are you hiding behind? Are  you ready to take them off and be seen?

When we change the world changes.

When we change the world changes.