What comes to mind when you think about being a victim? I think most of us have experienced a family member, friend, or coworker, who is constantly whining and saying, ‘why me?’ Blaming everything and everyone for what is wrong with their life. You can spot them from a mile away with a frown on their face and their latest sob story of yet someone or something else ruining their day or even their life. No need to mention any names…
There is another way the victim shows up; the sneaky, unconscious way. That’s how mine showed up. I wouldn’t outwardly blame others or situations, as much as I would argue for my limitations, for why things couldn’t change for me. Under that was hidden blame. Well, I hid it from myself anyway. I grew so sick and tired of being angry that I had to make some changes.
We’ve been talking a lot about taking our power back the past few weeks. Being a victim is definitely handing our power over to circumstances, people, and situations. Blaming anything instead of taking responsibility for ourselves can lead to having a victim mentality. The more we blame, the less responsibility we take and the deeper we fall into the victim trap. I for sure did this, and eventually it became my way of life.
A few years ago I started unwinding my ‘victim’ story. I looked at the places in my life that I was blaming others, situations, and circumstances for my unhappiness. I wasn’t used to being this honest with myself and it did not come easy. As I got closer to my truth, I realized that there was only one common denominator in all these scenarios. That was ME. Every situation I thought of contained different people and reasons why I was stuck in unhappiness and I was in every last one of them. This was not the answer I wanted. I was not at all sure what this all meant, but I kept being curious about what I could learn.
Being curious can open us up to many possibilities. It started to become clear why the patterns in my life kept repeating. The lesson was for me to take responsibility for my own happiness. I am in charge of my life and I am responsible for how it goes. I started to see the value in the experiences that were nudging me to take charge and make changes. Blaming others puts the power of healing in their hands. I decided that I wanted my healing to be in my hands and not the hands of anyone or anything else.
Sometimes it seems easier to blame others or circumstances for things not turning out how we wanted them to. Taking responsibility for our part is empowering and keeps us from falling into blaming and becoming a victim.
When we change the world changes.
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