Are you better at giving support or being supported? Maybe you’re good at both?
Supporting someone has always been easy for me.
I like to help others. Allowing others to support me is a different matter. We have been looking at ‘support’ in our Mastermind group and I realized some things about myself.
I have always been very independent.
I felt like I had to be growing up with five brothers. I thought I didn’t need anyone to help me, I could do everything on my own, and I’ve spent a great deal of my life proving that to myself. I thought that asking for support meant I was weak and incapable of taking care of what I needed to care for. I remember thinking that I would owe someone if they helped me. I realized that another reason I wouldn’t ask for support was that I was afraid of rejection. Being rejected has been a strong trigger for me. I would immediately question if I was deserving of the support I needed. That kept me in a cycle of thinking I didn’t deserve and didn’t need any support so I wouldn’t allow others to support me.
Now let’s talk about what it takes to ask for and accept support.
You have to be vulnerable. That’s what was missing for me. I could not be vulnerable enough to ask or receive. I would say that I didn’t want anyone to go out of their way for me, I didn’t want to cause them any trouble, I didn’t want to bother them…sound familiar? Anyone else use those excuses? What are some of your other favorites? Why did I think that others couldn’t decide for themselves if they wanted to support me or not?
I remember not long after Clint and I got married I was feeling really overwhelmed one day with work, kids, dirty house, you know, everything on the to-do list. I got frustrated and Clint asked me what was wrong. I know, he’s a brave man to ask that at such a heated moment. I told him how I was overwhelmed with so much to do that I couldn’t get everything done. He calmly answered, ‘I can vacuum the floors, I can clean the bathroom, I can help with anything you need me to. You just need to ask. I wanted him to read my mind and just do the jobs, I didn’t want to have to ask.
It is important to surround ourselves with those who will support us and we can support. And to get vulnerable enough to ask for and receive it. It’s rare to feel supported in all areas of our life by one person. That’s why building a support system is so important.
I feel more supported in my life now than I ever have. I could never have imagined how my life would change when I got vulnerable enough to ask for support, even when I think I can do it myself.
When we change the world changes.
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