Journaling and writing has become a big part of my journey to freedom. I am finding that emotions flow with the words I write, showing me parts of myself that I have hidden away for a very long time. My first memory of hiding who I was and how I felt was at four years old. I found a strange comfort in having secrets. It was easier than explaining what others might not understand and maybe wouldn’t accept. I learned not to trust and to go it on my own.
My life appeared very different on the outside than it was in my inner world. I did a good job fitting in; I became a chameleon. I pretended to be like and feel like whoever I was with. I wanted so badly to fit in and be accepted. I told myself that those small denials about how I felt were no big deal. I put on a cool and collected appearance just so my secret wouldn’t be found out. Layer after layer of denying myself through critical thoughts and words began to take a toll on me. I was becoming bitter and resentful of everything in my life and blaming others for the way I felt.
I’m taking responsibility for my life by choosing courage and vulnerability over the fear that kept me from growing and expanding. That feels amazing! I’m not saying my life doesn’t still have challenges — for sure it does and it always will. Being true to myself oftentimes is uncomfortable at first. The more I choose to honor myself, the easier it gets. With the awareness that I always have choices, I accept responsibility for how I think, act, respond, or react.
I’m excited to share that I am writing a book to support the journey I’m on. Deep within me has always been a longing that I couldn’t explain. I wasn’t sure what it was, I just knew something was missing. I’ve discovered that what was missing was the connection and alignment of being who I am.
“Out of Hiding…Finding the Courage to be ME” is a collection of short stories about my journey from the pain of living a life hiding behind who I thought I should be to the freedom of being who I am. I’m excited to share what I’ve learned about myself in the defining moments of my life. I started this journey with only thoughts of myself and what I needed. I had no idea that I would be writing a book and sharing my experiences with you. I will be sharing parts of it along the way. Maybe you’ll notice parts of yourself that you left behind. Maybe you’ll be inspired to look deeper.
Connections and Insights
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When we change the world changes.